Saturday, August 22, 2009

And on the first day, there was junk.

We finally had possession of the new house on Thursday afternoon (a day late thanks to legal issues that arose on the seller's end). With all of that behind us, we were finally able to set foot -- legally! -- on the property and take a look at what's now ours.

And let me tell you, it's far worse in person than it is in photos. This is a certifiable dump we're dealing with.

Close to the barn, it looks like a garbage dump.

Initially, we didn't set foot in the house; there were far more distracting issues that we were blinded by. Junk was (is!) piled everywhere. It looks like a small village was attacked, and the people dumped their belongings and high-tailed it out of there. Wait, that might not be so far from the truth. Here's a little background on our sellers that we've learned:

• There were two people living here, a man and a woman (married, we believe). The woman ran a dog breeding operation, and the man spent his time going to auctions and buying things (we think this was his job, but we're not certain).

• They have an absolute plethora* of baggage -- both in the physical sense and the life sense.

• They both have serious cleanliness issues, whether this is just pure laziness or a result of some mental issues, we can't tell. Maybe it's both. All I know is that no human being should ever live in the unsanitary conditions they've created.

• All of their neighbours are glad to see them go.

We walked around the property to survey the jaw-dropping scene of garbage/junk/who-the-hell-knows items. After half an hour I was numb (and my face hurt from making that 'oh my god' expression). Trevor seemed to take it in stride a little more, but maybe he's just better at hiding it. Wait, I know he's better at hiding it.

How we found the kitchen. These people are unreal.

We finally made it to the house, and my instinct to be cautious about it proved correct: it was horrible. Fly tape was strung from the ceiling (an effort to clean up?), the kitchen was a mess, floors were dirty, personal items and furniture were left behind, and the smell...oh the smell. Eau de dog funk? I can't sum it up in words, but it's a bouquet my nose won't forget anytime soon. Some horrible things we discovered later on:

• A washing machine full of black water (luckily today we discovered it can turn on and drain, it also contained a pair of socks and jeans).

• Cupboards full of old food (scraped up chunky peanut butter containers, ew), a freezer full of bread, and a fridge with milk in it.

• Old mattresses.

• And, quite possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever seen: an unflushed toilet (I won't go into detail, but it had been there a while).

This isn't the offending toilet from above, it's the one that made me dry-heave. The lovely toilet seat has a new home in the dumpster now.

While we were in the house, we saw some men in trucks pull up, and they explained to us that they were working with the old seller to take junk away and help him out. We had no problem with them carrying on with what they were doing previously (and hey, they have trucks, that's like gold to us at this point!). They have proven to be very handy over the past few days, taking away things that are trash to us, but treasure to them. We also found out from them what happened in the days leading up to our possession of the house, with one standout being that one of their horses (there were two) had to be put down as it was in ill health...and it's buried in our yard now. Let the horse poltergeist jokes start now (or horsegeist?)...

So, with two full days behind us, we've managed to clear out most of the main floor of the house, and almost filled a large dumpster out front. I took two hours and attempted to clean the small powder room bathroom on the main floor so it can be used (I've never been someone who's been overly queasy, but scrubbing that toilet almost had me dry-heaving over it). Cans of Lysol are like currency around here; every knob and light switch has had it's turn, along with walls, windowsills...anything that smells, or could smell.

Junk piled behind the house from the basement. This was also left for us.

The days ahead will be spent doing more the same, clearing piles of garbage and junk out of the house, and preparing it for demolition (not the knock it down kind, but taking it down to stud).

* That's the most dramatic word I could think of.


Sarah said...

OMG! OMG! OMG! Oh Kerry, how awful! Are you still in your old house for awhile? You guys really have your work cut out for you. WOW! I think I would cry. Heavily.

PS WTF is with the decoupage wiener dog toilet seat, that's worth a chuckle for sure!

Absolutely Small said...

I have to second the OMG OMG OMG! You have even more junk left over for you than we did! I feel for you with the toilet grossness...and the general "how could a human live like this"-ness. Uggghhhh.
You will get it in shape, though! Probably sooner than you'd think. Carry on!
And that toilet seat cover...heh heh. Brilliant.

Kerry said...

Thanks girls! I'll take two advils and pop in my new batteries and get ready for another day. At least we're seeing progress...smelly progress.

Chedder Fish said...

OK so I came here from another blog recommendation, and usually I lurk for a while before ever commenting but I have to say, that seat cover is awesome for the pure insanity of it. I mean in combination with the switch plate covers is even more funhouse crazy.

Also I cannot wait to read more. You write well and this seems like an awesome adventure you're taking on.

I have so many questions but I'm going to read more since you probably already answered them...

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